And a happy new year

Well, instead of the dead-mom blog, this can now be the dead-parents blog! Swell, huh?

So I spent a good deal of time crying last night after a discussion The Dude and I had about holidays -- mostly Christmas. (Why did this come up? Possibly because someone's cell phone rang with "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" while we were eating dinner.) I have spent all 30 of my Christmases with the same two people -- my parents. OK, no, I spent 29 with them, and one (last year) with just my dad. The last 28 have been at the same house, which I am now cleaning out and preparing to sell.

The Dude spends his Christmases (and Thanksgivings, for that matter, and probably Easters too) with, naturally, his parents, at their home here in the DC area. Also his aunt, uncle, and cousins converge on his parents' house, so it's a big family affair. Which sounds very idyllic, but is not what I'm used to.

I figure (and he provided support for this) that if my parents were still alive, we'd wind up alternating Christmases, or all holidays, with his family and mine. Now I feel kind of gypped because since my family's gone, the default is to spend all holidays with his. Now, I really like them, and I can't think of a really good reason not to spend holidays with them, except that it's not what I'm used to.

However, I need to keep reminding myself that what I'm used to cannot exist anymore. So no matter what I do, it won't be what I really want (i.e., spending the holidays with my parents at their house). So at that point, what difference does it make? Still, some tiny part of me feels like I should still get a say, like we do what I want every other holiday, even if what I want is to sit in our own home. But that's not fair to his family, who's right here in town. Sigh.

Anyway, the issue of future holidays, like once we're married and have kids and stuff, is not as relevant to me right now as the issue of what to do with myself this Christmas...

[Note: I took down the polls because (a) they're moot now and (b) they seemed to be causing the blog to take forever to load.]